where do i begin? i was thinking of beginning where i ended up at a castle, but that's been a few weeks ago, now. i feel the story may be better told in person...

i'm feeling enlightened. perhaps the "3rd times a charm" may be true, and i am embarking on it in this very moment. since i was very young, i've lived in fear, and evaluated everything around me. allowing my assumptions and conclusions to kind of carry me through life. i've gone with gut feelings more than just because they felt right, but also because of what i've learned on this journey. i feel i've concluded that i live in a matrix......more seriously, there are such things as fate and destiny. yesterday, for some reason i felt the need to delve into astrology. it's not something i follow every day, or very frequently in a year. it never fails at fucking with my head a little bit. for example, i found that the 2 people i've been in serious relationships with are 2 of 4 signs i'm compatible with, and the person that i am currently dating now would make that 3 of 4. all different astrological signs. i feel that without this knowledge, i've been very selective. not selective in a way that i go, "oh, this person is an aries, i must investigate this man further because he is compatible with me," but in a way that from the moment i made contact with these people, i felt a connection with them beyond control. what the dick? how is this possible, and how could something that's just theory prove to be so valid in my life?

with all that aside, i am feeling very at ease. i'm doing things that i've always had a desire to do, and no one to be my companion while i enjoy it. they are the simplest of things, but they are thoroughly productive. i feel much more alive than i have felt in a long time. i'm gaining back a sense of adventure that i lost in my late teens, and some how this sense has grown into an adult version of itself. even though it has been stowed away while i wasted it in some shitty bar, drinking myself half to death every night/every other night.

on the 25th, christopher, baas, and i set out for chicago to catch a screening of maynard's documentary "blood into wine" and puscifer the following night. it was a very neat theatre. old seating, neat wood carvings, and a red curtain that reminded me of something you'd see in the early-to-late 1920's. upon standing in line to grab a drink, i met an older couple that were there for the "other wine guy," eric glomski. they decided to give me a little lesson on eric, and i gave them a lesson on maynard. with it all said and done, i realized this man must be feeling a little buzz. when he got closer to me, i smelt booze. he then offered to have my friends and i come over for tea and coffee cake? his wife laughed and informed me that he would be at work, and it would only be her. cue the porno music, for my mind has taken me to a lonely housewife scenario. we sat three rows from the stage, in the very center. perfect seating. not too close, and not too far away. we had a sneaking suspicion that maynard may show himself considering puscifer was playing the following night. we were correct. after the screening, maynard & eric did a 20 minute Q&A seated on stage. we were seated so close and centered that we could see maynard's eyes. quite a few people in the row behind us and in front of us were asking plenty of questions, so all 3 of us undoubtedly made eye contact individually with maynard quite a few times. this has become the best $12 dollars i've ever spent.

after the leaving the theatre, we walked across the street to have a couple drinks, and ended up having dinner. what joy, there was also a free burlesque show. i've never been to a burlesque, and i've never seen girls get naked on a bar...but let me tell you, it was pretty fucking sweet. we then hit up an old friend, cath pierce, had another beer, and headed back to baas's. what a night cap, i must say.

the day following, i made breakfast, and then we toured a comic book store, a couple of head shops, the alley, and a thrift store. at this point in time, i was way over stimulated, and almost couldn't find words to describe anything i was feeling. feeling blessed with the company i was keeping, and finding it overly enjoyable to say the least. fast forward to the concert, it was fucking epic. one of the most entertaining shows i've ever seen. members of puscifer were carting around luggage, dressed as flight attendants/pilots passing out bags of nuts for "vagina airlines". when men asked for them, they said, "sorry, vaginas only." i got my package of vag-nuts, for sure. come to find out, i got my nuts from the drummer of primus! how neat! maynard had his wine available for $8 a glass, which for a show and the quality seemed like a deal to me. uncle scratch's gospel revival played first, and they were hilariously enjoyable with tunes like, "i banged a sinner". puscifer was fucking awesome! they had these 26'(i'm guessing) flat screens set up so that when they stood behind them, their faces showed up huge, and you saw their smaller bodies behind them. on stage, they had the "flight attendants" just chilling and acting as if they were drunken conversations...which might have been really drunken. this concert is definitely second to tool at bonnaroo in my book. especially since this may be the only opportunity i have to see puscifer considering maynard starts projects and then kind of just leaves them in his dust to appreciate over time.

baas dropped christopher and i off at the train station, which happened to be the same station that a scene of "the dark knight" was shot in. fitting for christopher and i. we ran to the train stop to see if we could catch the 11:14 train, we missed it. as with many moments with christopher, it suddenly became romantic. we kissed at the empty train stop, and i became dizzy. feels good to have that sort of smile revived back in me. they had a bar open until midnight in the train station. we had a couple of beers, and conversed about things that most beginning relationships converse about. i noticed when i walked to the bathrooms, there was an eerie feeling that i was in the movie "creep". i texted myself this while peeing, so i wouldn't forget. i do that often.

all in all, what an amazing experince. i have some pictures, but not many. it was definitely one of those moments in life where most everything about it is photographed in my memory. like a flip book, and i can actually feel the air kick up in my face as i flip the pages.